Ye Olde English Comedy and Tragedy
by wyverna
Summary: Ok then, Zack and Freddy have been packed off to boarding school, and it's set in the 1800's! The boarding school, that is, not the story. In between the canings, porridge, sweets and snogging (ok, ok, there won't be any, it's just a British word!), who f


**Disclaimer:_ I own nothing! Nothing, I tell you, nothing! Not SoR, not Apple Tangos, NOTHING! Why do we even put these things in, anyway? I mean, it's kind of obvious that we don't own them, if we do would we be sat here typing out these stories? I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be! I'd be lounging on a beach somewhere, with the gorgeous Kevin Clark...ok, I wouldn't, I'd be in a mosh pit! Oh, yeah!_**

**Notes From The Awesome, Fantabulous, Splendiferous Author:_ Hi! Ok, I just want to say that boarding schools in England are _not_ like this anymore, for anyone who doesn't know, ok? In fact, I don't even think there are any, but if there are (and there must be) they are _definitely_ not like this, ok? Good! This is an old-fashioned boarding school, because that makes it more fun! Yay!_**

Freddy and Zack were hurrying to Band Practice, Zack struggling to keep up with Freddy, who was almost running.

"Freddy," Zack gasped. "Freddy! Wait up!" The blonde boy slowed, allowing Zack to catch up with him. "What's the hurry for?"

"Because!" Freddy hissed. "Summer said she'd call our parents if we're late again!"

"So," said Zack, struggling to understand. "If we're late she's going to call our parents and tell them what?"

"_That we're late again!"_ Freddy yelled.

"Uh, Freddy? What's she gonna say, exactly?"

"That we were late, duh!"

"So, let me get this straight. She's going to call our parents and tell them that we're not doing something they don't want us to?" Freddy wrinkled his forehead, in an effort to understand this.

"We're going to be late for something we want to do, and Summer wants us to do, so to get us to want to do it more, she's going to tell our parents that we're late for something we want to do, and she wants us to do, but they don't want us to do it!" explained Zack, trying to get Freddy to comprehend this. Unfortunately, the drummer just looked more perplexed than ever.

"Look." said Zack, patiently. "Our parents don't want us to do Band Practice. Summer's going to tell them we're not doing Band Practice. Therefore-" Freddy started to frown again, so Zack hurriedly changed the word. "_So_ our parents won't care!" he finished, slowly. Realization dawned.

"So it doesn't matter if we're late!" Freddy said brightly.

"Well, actually, it does, as it's something we want to do!" Freddy just ignored him, having caught sight of a nearby café.

"Hey, let's have an Apple Tango!"

"Uh-uh." Zack shook his head. "Summer would absolutely _kill_ me if I brought you to Band Practice hyper." Freddy turned and faced the dark-haired guitarist.

"Would your _girlfriend_ prefer to have me hyper, or not at all?" Zack had to think about this one.

"Well, hyper I guess, but with Summer I'm not too sure..." his thoughts ended there, as Freddy dragged him into the café. The waitress came over, a peroxide blonde, with her roots showing. She also had too much make-up on, and greasy, spotty skin. In spite of all that, she was getting a lot of admiring looks, all from the male customers.

"Hey, darlin's," she drawled. "Wha' can ah getcha? Anythin' good?"

"Uh, we'll have two Apple Tangos," said Zack, giving Freddy a warning look, as he was immersed in the menu.

"Anythin' else, then?"

"Yeah! I mean, no. _No._" replied Freddy, after another Look from Zack.

"Okay, then, sweetie, tha' should be here in about fifteen minutes. Have a nice day, y'all!" Zack waited until she had gone before saying "Ok, that was weird."

"Meh," replied Freddy, shrugging his shoulders. "Oh, wow, now _that's_ weird!" he added, pointing out the window. Zack stared out the window where Freddy was pointing, but couldn't see anything unusual.

"You mean that car?" he asked.

"Yeah!" answered Freddy. "I mean, it's a _gray car._ How often do you see a _gray car_ in America?" Zack decided not to argue with Freddy's twisted logic, and went back to thinking over the past few minutes. "Hey, wait!" he said. "Summer's not my girlfriend!" Freddy smirked, and raised an eyebrow.

"It took you _that long_ to protest?" he said. "Man, you _must_ love her!" Zack wondered whether to admit he'd only just worked it out, and be called slow by Freddy, (who, admittedly, hadn't much room to speak), or to stay silent and accept it. He decided to accept it.

A few minutes later the waitress came back with the two Apple Tangos.

"Here y'go, guys, y'sure there's nothin' else y'could b'wantin'?"

"Sure."

"Sure."

"'Kay, then, jus' thought ah might as well be askin', as y'both are lookin' pretty darn hungry!"

"No, we're fine." replied Zack, getting up hurriedly, and dragging Freddy up with him. "We'll just be going now."

"But my _Tango_!" protested Freddy, loudly.

"Take it with you!"

"_Fine!_" Freddy grabbed the Tango, just as Zack tugged him out the door, and they landed in a heap, causing Freddy to spill his Tango over them both.

"_My **Tango**!_" wailed Freddy. "Why did you make me go?"

"Because," said Zack, "that waitress was freaking me out!"

"Fine!" responded Freddy. "Now, can you an' ah go t' our Band Practice?" Zack shook his head at Freddy, and the two continued hurrying off.

Zack and Freddy ambled in the door, laughing and joking. Looking up, they both fell silent at the sight of a Very Angry Summer.

"_Where_," she said, through gritted teeth. "have you _two **BEEN?!"**_

"U-uh......well, th-that is, but, y-you see...I, I, I mean..."

"_You've gone to that café again, haven't you?_" Freddy began giggling hysterically, Summer's angry face just making him laugh harder, and higher.

"**_He's had an Apple Tango again, hasn't he?_**"

"W-well...well, y-yes, but, t-the thing is, it, it, it..."

"**_THIS IS IT!"_** she shrieked, making them both jump. Behind her, the other band members were huddled together on the sofa. "**_I'VE HAD ENOUGH!"_**

"What've you done Summer, phoned our parents?" asked Zack, cheekily.

"Yes." She replied. "Yes I have."

"And what did they say?"

"They said yes."

"'Yes'? Yes to what?"

"Yes to the question I asked them." Freddy had calmed down now, and both him and Zack were looking extremely nervous.

"W-what did you ask them?" stammered Zack, nervously.

"Congratulations, you two," said Summer, laughing. It was a laugh that had no humor in it, a laugh that sent a shiver down Zack and Freddy's spines. Not for the first time, the thought crossed their minds that Summer might be taking all this a little _too_ seriously. "Now that you've made it big in America, I've decided it's time to attempt the crossover into England."

"_Yes!_" Zack and Freddy high-fived each other.

"The Sex Pistols!" yelled Zack.

"The Beatles!"

"English clothes!"

"English chicks!"

"Scones!"

"Tea!"

"Fried breakfasts!"

"Gray cars!"

"Gray cars?" questioned Summer.

"Don't ask," replied Zack. "Ah'm no' too sure tha' I know m'self, right, Freddy?" The two boys dissolved into laughter, not noticing the fact that this did little to improve Summer's mood. She hated people talking about things in front of her that she knew nothing about.

"Well," she said, sarcastically. "I'm glad that you two are having such a _wonderful_ time, but can you save your giggles until I've finished my announcement?"

Freddy and Zack both turned and looked at Summer.

"_As_ I was about to say before I was so _rudely_ interrupted, we are going to tour England. _While we are there_, however, you two are going to be staying at a typical Olde English boarding school." Zack and Freddy both jumped about a foot in the air.

**_"WHAT?!"_** they yelped.


End file.
